You Can't Invite Someone You're Mad At: A Masterclass on What Your Anger Is Doing to Your Business

A two-hour masterclass for coaches, with Nathaniel Montgomery and Irina Konstantos.

Your client cancels again and you write back "no worries at all!" and you had to go back and add the exclamation point.

Someone told you this sounds like exactly what they need. You drafted the follow-up. It's still sitting there, because to send it you'd have to sound warm, and you're not.

A friend swore she had three people for you. You've stopped bringing it up, which you're calling being cool about it.

Your brother has known what you do since the day you started. He has never asked a question about it.

Coaches don't get to be angry at the people they want to help. So it goes underground and comes back wearing something else.

People can hear it anyway. They don't know what they're hearing. They just don't write back. And now you have one more piece of evidence for the case you've been building.

Wrath is the loud one, and it's the one coaches catch in each other. The other two are harder to see from outside, and one of them is doing more damage than any email you almost sent.

The three it comes back as

Wrath. The one you have alone in the car, or in the message you typed and deleted. Rare, loud, and it scares you enough that you clamp down harder next time.

Passive aggression. The follow-up with something in it. The joke about your rates. The "totally fine!" that is doing a lot of work.

Silent treatment. You stop reaching out. It looks like restraint. It looks like not chasing, which is a thing you've heard is good. It's the one costing you the most and the one nobody will ever call you on, because the punishment is invisible to the person receiving it.

What we'll do

Two hours, live, small. Both of us in it the entire time.

Say the actual sentence. Not "I've been feeling some resistance around outreach." The person's name and what they did.

Find which of the three is yours. Most coaches run one. You'll know it inside of a minute and you'll want to argue about it.

Run a live one. You bring somebody real. A prospect who went dark, a friend who never asked, a client who keeps rescheduling. We work it in front of everyone.

We will also end up on gremlins, because we always do. Yours keeps a file, every message nobody answered goes in it, and he has never once thrown the file out after somebody wrote back.

You walk out able to write to that person without it leaking.

What it feels like

If you are picturing two hours of sitting in a circle with your feelings, no. This is the lighthearted version. You will laugh at your own file, because it is funnier than you think once somebody else says it out loud, and it turns out to be very hard to keep being mad at a guy while you are laughing about him.

Who this is for

Coaches who are supposed to be the unattached one and are privately keeping score.

Who this isn't for

Anyone looking for anger management. Neither of us is a therapist. This is about what your anger is doing to your business.

The details

• When: Friday, August 28. 2:00pm Eastern, 11:00am Arizona
• How long: 2 hours
• Where: Zoom, link sent that morning
• Recording: Yes, sent to everyone who registers

Nathaniel Montgomery and Irina Konstantos run the Getting Coaching Clients Without Selling Your Soul group on Facebook. They're co-teaching the six-month Lighthearted Client Creation training right now.

Two hours. Bring the person you're mad at.